Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
