I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
