I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I can text with my tongue
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
