Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
