It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
