The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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