I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
