If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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