Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize