she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
