My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
