the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
