He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
