Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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