i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
