It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
