Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
