Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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