Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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