Just cropdusted the office
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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