I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
