Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
