I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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