I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
