I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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