chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i dont even know how to be here
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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