Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
one might say we're banned from that church
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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