ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
