Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
