I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
