The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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