She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
