you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
