oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
