I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
