1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
