i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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