I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
