the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize