I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
