i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
