Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Every concussion has its silver lining
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
