i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize