I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
