i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize