I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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