I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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