...so i touched it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
