This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
