I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
