so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
