I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
