It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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