fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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