I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Mom said you looked used
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
