Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we're making bets on your personal life
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
