so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
this boner is exhausting
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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