part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
worst night to have a conscience
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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