i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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