How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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