the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
