I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
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