You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
