My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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