I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he thought i was a dude.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
