Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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